All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
