If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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