I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
