as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
