I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
