Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
