I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
