I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
