Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
