apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Still dying that you shit outside
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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