all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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