We're like a lot better than the average bears
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
