I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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