I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
