im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
