Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
