My nipple is on Facebook.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
