I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
