standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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