I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
