Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
