i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you had me at cake vodka
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
