I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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