Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
