please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
