also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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