STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
