Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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