I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
