And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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