Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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