She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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