The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
