just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
