Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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