you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
