I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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