6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
