DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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