Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
