I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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