I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
