i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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