Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
