dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
