is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
