I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
