She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
