he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
