haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
