Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
