Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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