woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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